Hello and welcome back to another Transparency post! I pray this blesses, encourages, and inspires you to allow God to heal the wounds no one but Him is able to see.
Recently I got a chance to speak to a group of young adults and share part of my testimony. The question posed to me was “What is a room that you had to work to let God into? What is an area you had to allow God into so that He could help you” and the first thing that came to mind was in the area of self-love. So I figured, why not share it here as well? Loving myself is an ongoing process, as I spent more of my life hating myself than I have loving myself. This demonic self-hatred started out when I was very young, and if I dug into my archives (old notebooks) I’m sure I could find some old self-depreciating poems and outbursts I wrote when I was around 7 going all the way up to my early 20s. It wasn’t until I was 21 (I’m 25 currently) where the departure from that mindset really took off. I’ve grown up in and around church, I knew God from a young age, knew how to pray and fast and intercede for people. I’ve seen miracles, signs, and wonders, but I never thought myself good enough to be a recipient of these things. Never would I ever allow myself to take hold of God’s outstretched hands, believing myself deserving not of His love but of the enemy’s wrath. I knew I was a sinner, shaped in iniquity, and I knew the depths of God’s love for us in which He sent His only Son to die for us. To cleanse us of our sins and bring us into right relationship with the Father; to allow His Spirit to dwell in us. Yet despite knowing this truth I didn’t walk in the freedom that was available to me; I didn’t think I deserved to. It took most of my life for the switch to happen, for me to allow God into the dark room in my heart but when I finally took that first step He met me. That loving embrace I deprived myself of for so long gave me the reassurance I needed deep down; and being held by my creator unlocked a certain kind of confidence that can’t be shaken. I say all this to encourage you that no matter what you’ve struggled with, no matter what wound you’ve struggled to allow God to heal; let Him in. He will meet you where you are and lead you down that path of healing you may be hesitating to walk down. It’s not easy, but the things worth doing aren’t going to be, but glory be to God because He is there with you every step of the way. In time He will bring community around you that’ll properly reflect His character and help heal the wounds life has left inside and out. God is good, even when times aren’t, so have faith that He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it.
I pray this blessed and encouraged you to reach out to your Father, and to let Him in fully. He is the only healer you’ll ever need. Stay blessed, and until next time
– JB
Rnt with JB 